THE AGE OF BONOBOS

Andy DunnDec 5, 2015 · 6 min read

Non-violence is the greatest force at the disposal of mankind. It is mightier than the mightiest weapon of destruction devised by the ingenuity of man. — Gandhi

Non-violence leads to the highest ethics, which is the goal of all evolution. Until we stop harming all other living beings, we are still savages. — Edison

Bonobos are not monkeys! Bonobos are apes. They also may point the way for humanity’s future, but we’ve got a bit to learn before going that far.

First: what is the difference between an ape and a monkey?

Apes don’t have tails, they have big brains, they are really smart. A bonobo named Kanzi knows 400 words by sign language. Two words he knows are slow and lettuce. When he eats kale, he put the words together, and describes it as slow lettuce, presumably because it takes longer to chew.

There are five kinds of great apes: bonobos, chimpanzees, orangutans, gorillas, and the one which people always think of last:

Humans!

How do you say bonobos? Like this:

Bonobos are known for their myriad forms of sexual behavior and the way they use sex to diffuse tension and form social bonds. Bonobos are comfortable being gay or bisexual, which we are learning to do as well — at long last — as a species. Bonobos exhibit play deep into adulthood. Some say they are the only males, other than humans, who play with their progeny. This is not too surprising, given that they share 98.7% of DNA with us.

The chimpanzee is the closest cousin of the bonobo, and share this same percentage of DNA with humans. Bonobos, humans and chimps are polyamorous apes, versus the polygamist gorillas or the more monogamous gibbon — a “lesser” ape, though it does seem mean to say that. For an analysis of comparative great ape sexuality, dig into Christopher Ryan’s Sex at Dawn, where you will learn fun facts like how the relative weight of male to female (sexual dimorphism) can be an indicator of the sexuality of the species. Chimps, bonobos and humans all have a 1.6x factor in male to female weight, which lends itself to polyamorous relations; the polygamist gorillas are more like 2x — half the way to the elephant seal at 4-5x, the ultimate ladies’ man. If humans were more more like 1x, closer to gibbons, maybe we wouldn’t need feminism!

For all their similarities, humans and chimps have violent conflict, but bonobos don’t. Yet bonobos and chimps are virtually identical genetically. Thanks to the Congo River, they only speciated and “split apart” about 2 millions years ago — while humans, chimps, and bonobos all share a common ancestor dating to 6 million years ago.

How did bonobos “break” the cycle of violence?

It’s not a settled scientific matter, but part of the story — in addition to the use of sex as a means of peace-making — is that bonobos have matriarchal societies where all individuals, across both genders, exhibit higher levels of empathy. “Put the women in charge, and the men learn to behave.” This converges with my own life experience, where the women rule the roost. My dad may be an equal partner, but even my niece knows my mom is the boss.

I didn’t fully appreciate how much chimps and bonobos differ until I read Frans de Waal. His book Chimpanzee Politics unfolds like Hamlet or Macbeth. The stories of the #1 male chimp dropping down to #3, and then teaming up with the still #2 male chimp to topple the duped new #1 is worthy of the best drama in human politics. Supposedly, in a chimpanzee leadership ouster, the toppling male chimps might eat off the testicles of the losing chimp, stuff them in his mouth, and the whole tribe of chimps wake up to this new reality, screaming. When politics meets violence, male aggression can become downright demonic. Just read the news.

My own hope is that as a human species we are on a long journey of evolution toward increasingly more tolerant and nonviolent behavior. While the availability bias of recent bad news in the world can be depressing, the longitudinal data suggests we are on the right track over the millennia. This depends on how you process the 20th century, during which we killed 200 million of our own kind. If you view it optimistically, as Steven Pinker does in The Better Angels of Our Nature, you will see an awful first half where many died protecting the future of human freedom, and a second half where the gains of that freedom began to be realized. I believe it’s not a coincidence that we also saw civil rights emerge in that second half, increasing equality for women globally, and the beginnings of a shift in attitudes toward LGBT human beings which has real definitive progress only recently.

The direction of things may be that we are valuing our empathy more highly and harnessing our aggression more thoughtfully. Sports, business and politics are better ways for humans of both genders to express aggression and the spirit of competition than violence. I believe the elevation of females to a position of true peers as males, and maybe more, is the single most important change in the history of human society. Most of its fruits remain in front of us. When it comes to feminism and to defeating ideologies that would seek to limit half of our population, we as men must all step up if we want to unlock this next step in evolution of humankind. My own belief is all men should be feminists, and with enthusiasm. It only makes “our world” better. In short, we need to move from male humans acting like male chimps, to male humans being like male bonobos. I call this journey “from chimps to bonobos: the future of mankind,” though maybe I go too far.

Regardless of whether you agree with this trajectory or not, we have much to learn from the life “philosophy” of the bonobos, from make love not war to put the ladies in charge. Of all the great apes, bonobos are ones we should be talking about the most, yet about which we say the least. The irony is these nonviolent apes live in a country — the Democratic Republic of Congo — where 5.4 million people have died since 1998, by far the deadliest violent conflict since World War II. Hunted for bushmeat in a country itself ravaged and decimated by human war: what are the odds of that cruel twist of fate for the peace-loving bonobos? What clearer wake-up call do we need?

Bonobos are a beacon for a more nonviolent future for humanity. Through this lens, the conservation of these increasingly endangered animals takes on an even more acute purpose. The survival of bonobos is not just for them, it’s for us: a reminder that in our nature, the forces that compel us toward violence can be tamed, and a more nonviolent future awaits, if only we are willing to fight for it. Pun intended.

The evolution of humankind awaits.

This is an analysis of the Bonobo massage workshop. This is the third time we have ran this. It’s still too sexual.

WE FEEL 3 HRS IS TO LONG. IT SHOULD BE SHORTED

MEN DO TO SAUNA MENTALITY RATHER THAT DISCOMFORT OF BEING BONOBO

ADDED INTRODUCED DRINKS TO SUBVERT THE SEX

MAYBE NEXT TIME INTRODUCE THE CHIMPS AND BONOBOS WORKSHOP

HAVE A FEMALE FACILITATOR TO SHIFT BEHAVIOUR IN PARTICIPANTS

DESPONDENT TO STORYLINE WHILST HAVING ERECTIONS

This is a very short glimpse into a workshop. Unfortunately we cannot film the various interventions as it turns the participants into actors and removes any change of authenticity.However this is a little example of the joy that happens.

I first came across the bonobo experience in a work shop run at the stretch festival by Jason

This was a particularly strong and enjoyable experience for me as my first. There were monkeys selected and separated from the bonobos. I was in the bonobo group and stayed there throughout because I made particularly strong connections and it seemed a shame to break this up. The groups energy was very strong and at times I felt very much a part of this and sometimes in the centre. My lasting impression was fantastic. I put this mainly down to way it was presented. I left the workshop feeling elated and wholesome and wanted by others, so empowering.

Then my second experience was even more powerful and at times spiritual. I found the birthing ritual part particularly intimate and during the ritual I connected strongly mentally with my mother and the birthing experience she had with me. This is because 3 months before I was born there was an operation to remove some of her intestines which were strangling me and this was quite traumatic. So my eventual birth was watched by a dozen medical students. I related to this in the bonobo workshop and found it profoundly connecting with my own birth. I was very moved and this has helped me to connect with my mother even more empathetically.

The repetitive and faster sounds played during the routine really reinforced this

My third experience was less profound. I am not really sure why but after such an intense one the 2nd time perhaps this is to be expected. It was at the queer spirit festival and included outside space and I was less at ease and didn’t connect with the energy so easily

In summary I like the experience and would choose to have more because it helps me to really connect within myself and then have more authentic relationships with others

I am gathering my research for all of my workshops and I am re-visiting an old paper on love and sex in role-playing games. I have come across a piece of writing by Emma Wieslander. She is a Norwegian live-action role-play designer who is passionate about bringing love romance and sex into role-playing. I agree with her when she talks about how mainstream like matching role-play is predominantly dualistic black-and-white story that make strangers of ourselves and of others. Creating society is that only feel hatred in aggression is something that she worries about. The Banaba experience is very keen to build a live action role-playing attend compasses positive connection belonging and a deep sense of love.

The Banaba experience is very keen to build a live action role-playing between compasses positive connection belonging and a deep sense of love.

When she writes “I think it’s quite sad that many players should have a greater expectancy of their character getting killed them fucked. I also believe that there are stories that deserve to be told in their own right and not just as background information that contain love and intimacy.

I think it’s quite sad that many players should have a greater expectancy of their character getting killed them fucked. I also believe that there are stories that deserve to be told in their own right and not just as background information that contain love and intimacy.

I would be very interested in getting contact with this person to see if we can work together on the Bonobo Larp in the future

I enjoyed leading the birthing ritual at the Bonobo experience workshop in queer spirit 2019. It felt really good and also a honor to help people birth their own bonobo. I believe it is a very special moment of the workshop because it gives the space for people to use their imagination and connect with their primal selves. Who would we be if we were just born today in the jungle? I believe it is deeply healing for our human hearts to do this exercise. To remember that we are born on this beautiful planet, to remember our animal instinct and our human nature. To be reminded of our connection to nature and community. To feel like we belong. To communicate with each others in ways we haven’t explored before. The way we are raised in this society is so limiting and brain washing. We can feel so disconnected, alone and lost. We have to follow society standards that can be toxic and harmful. I believe so much in the work of the bonobo experience because it is not only fun and playful, it is deeply healing and awakening. I think that as humans we can learn from the bonobos.

Before leading the birthing ritual, I have participated in a few birthing rituals myself as an assistant or participant. I remember feeling very strong in one and rather than being the baby bonobo, I felt like I was the mother and ready to take care and hold the younger ones in the community. One other time, I just had so much fun connecting to the most raw and primal part of me. I also had another experience where I felt like my birth was difficult and I felt like I was alone. This is the proof that the birthing ritual can have many layers and go different ways for people. There is no right or wrong experience, I think all of them can heal or awaken deep parts within us.